Tuesday, October 29, 2019

Uncertainty/Change and needing support

So, for those who've been keeping up, we decided to hire an after school sitter this year, and its been working out fantastic! He brings them home, supervises homework, takes them to activities, and is really good at keeping them active with park trips, bike rides, and indoor activities on the rainy days. Many of our friends have met him and say he's awesome and my kids straight up love him.

Literally after I wrote yesterday's post, I got an email from him giving me 2 weeks notice. He had been working for us in addition to another park time job. That job was ending and he landed a full time gig. Which makes total sense! He can't live off our 15 hours/week. But damn, now I have to find someone new.

And thus, my panic spiral began, as I called after care places near by to hear they have a waitlist, and placed an ad that no one was responding to hour after hour and I looked at my schedule trying to figure out how I would cover the FOUR half days this month even if they could stay at the school's after care on the other days.

Literally my whole day began to revolve around alternatively taking action to deal with this logistical issue and fretting about "what if" it didn't work out. And all I got from G was a text back "oh no, that sucks". And later that evening when I mentioned how stressed I was we made a generic remark like "Uncertainty is just part of life, its just a matter of dealing with it productively".

Turns out (shocking!) I really needed someone to commiserate with me, and tell me it was OK, and maybe offer to help? But I didn't realize it at the time and I got snippy and had a headache and went to bed early.  When I thought about it this morning, I realized that maybe I did the same thing a couple weeks ago while G worked on a home repair issue that was stressful and $$$ and involved a lot of time and coordinating on his part. I got to keep working and say "oh no, that sucks" while he spent hours calling plumbers, and the insurance, and then going home when they came to see the issue. Maybe he needed something more from me? Its great to have that division of labor so no one person is overwhelmed, but in a marriage, we probably do owe each other a little more than "sucks to be you, good luck with that", right?

My therapist says that was very astute of me, and I need to talk to him about it, so that we can work on being more supportive of each other while we deal with stress & uncertainty. On the one hand, sure, healthy relationships do require communication. On the other hand, ugh. That is NOT our strong suit as a couple (you may ask us what IS our strong suit and I...have no answer for you).

Anyways, just venting I guess. And I've got 4 phone interviews lined up in the next 2 days with promising candidates who did eventually respond to my ad. My new goal is to find someone good---but also just a bit cheaper so we can hire a housecleaner again because I'm over it.


  1. VERY BEST WISHES on childcare front. Replacing someone the kids really do like is tough and on 2 weeks notice is hard.

  2. Good luck! A work colleague gave me contact info for the nursing school list serv where you can post jobs, which has been incredibly helpful for us. If you think that might be helpful to your family, please let me know. Happy to pass the info along!