Friday, September 27, 2013


I've been having a crisis of motivation lately---for pretty much anything productive, which seems to include blogging. More on that another day.

G and I had our first couples visit with the therapist yesterday. She did the whole listen/make noises thing (peppered with a few "and how does that make you feel") which I really did think I would hate, but found to be surprisingly effective in giving us a safe space to talk things over. I'm not quite ready to go into great detail yet, but we both thought it was helpful and plan to go again. In terms of concrete action, we decided we would: a) have dinner together one night a week after the kids are in bed so we could talk (and G would clean up afterwards, because the thought of eating dinner so late and then staying up later to clean up stressed me out incredibly) and b) set up one day a week for me to pick the boys up from school and one day for me to drop them off (we have been doing this unofficially for a couple of weeks, but G mentioned how helpful it was). Also, when telling each other our problems, we need to specify whether we want advice/solutions or simply listening/empathy. Oh, and I have to try to be more physically affectionate (hugs, hand-holding, etc...). The amazing thing is that we came up with all of those things on our own, talking together, the therapist was simply there. I guess there is a reason she does it this must work for some people.

We have a action-packed weekend ahead. Friday I am picking the boys up early (daycare closes at 4:30 the last Friday of each month). We have friends coming over bringing dinner (my friend from my old lab and her fiance, we've been plotting to get the men together for ages, we hope they'll get along). Saturday is swimming lessons in the morning, block party/fundraiser in our 'hood in the afternoon, and then we have a sitter coming around 7 for us to go to a co-workers house for a barbecue (I'm not quite sure this will be "fun", but we have very few social events in our division, and I feel its important to go for a little while at least). Sunday my parents are coming for a very short (2.5 day) visit (my dad has a conference a couple of hours away, so they are coming to see me for a couple of days, then down to my sister's for a couple of days, and then to the conference for the rest of the week). It'll be nice to see them, and to get some help with the boys. G & I have dinner reservations somewhere low-key on Monday; I might stay home part of the day so I can spend some time with my parents, too.

My on-line shopping addiction returned full-force after my August spending ban. I tend to get itchy for new clothes at the change of seasons. In my defense, I realized over the past couple of months that a LOT of things no longer fit me (my boobs seem to have grown, making formerly conservative work-appropriate tops kind for the clinic).  So there are huge piles of clothes in the "donate" pile of my closet right now. I also got rid of close to 50% of my clothes at the end of last winter for similar reasons, so I need to add some things back in. Since my sister raves about it constantly, I decided to try Boden again, and have a ton of stuff coming in the mail. I'm fully expecting to need to return at least half (last time, I returned all except one item, but I think I've got a better idea of sizing now). I also have 2 dresses from eshakti on the way. I heard about them on some blog, and the dresses are so so cute, and can be customized (though the only thing I did was change the length, since I'm a shorty). Overall I'm trying to completely make over my wardrobe into something more age- and stage- appropriate.

Well, I thought this would be a quick post, but I had a lot to stay. Thanks for sticking around.


  1. I think couples therapy gives people a space and time to talk things out, and it's less likely to get heated with a professional therapist present. Also, it's hard to find time to really talk things over if you don't make it a priority. I'm trying to just have normal conversations with my husband (about TV, interests, etc..) instead of always talking about kids and schedules! It's hard.

  2. So glad the couples therapy worked for you both! Going back to meet with her again should keep you guys accountable, too. I wish I'd found one of those therapists who just listened and made little noises.

    Like oilandgarlic said, it definitely helps to try to talk about your life sometimes instead of just "business". That's definitely something that helps us, when we do it. Some days I am not motivated to try.

    And you're the second person who recommended Boden today. Weird.

  3. Couples therapy has worked the same way for us. We've also started to be able to discuss things outside of therapy in a similar way and apologize to each other(!), which has been helpful.

    My goodness you have a busy weekend planned! Ack! Enjoy it as much as you can!

    Re: Boden, I really liked the clothes... but I was *very* careful to only order stuff that was only made of a certain material (not silk, not linen -- too much maintenance!), and only ordered stuff that was A-line since I am not curvy like a "normal" woman and as much as I want those shift dresses to fit me, ain't never gonna happen. I did order one, and there was no slit in the back so it was hard to walk in. Anyway, I hope your order is everything you hoped it would be! Let us know.

  4. Woo hoooooo for putting energy into the old marriage and having it pay off. I hope this trend continues, and I'm so happy he agreed to GO. That alone is a really good sign.

    (What is UP with the crazy Boden sizing? I am pretty sure I am DONE with them, because NOTHING EVER FITS.)