Friday, September 13, 2013

Where have I been?

Its been a while, what've I been up to? Bring on the bullet points...

  • Not sleeping. L started sleeping "like a baby", as in, not sleeping at all, and crying and fussing every 30 minutes from the moment we put him down until dark-o-clock in the morning when he wants "beckfoost". And even if he does get a stretch of sleep in, I'm up for other reasons. 

  • Scratching. For the past 3 weeks I've had intensely itchy arms and legs, with no visible rash to explain it. I can restrain myself all day, but man oh man, in the middle of the night I wake up and go to town. And then I can't go back to sleep (see: "not sleeping") My legs look like they've been attacked by a million angry kitties---all bloody and scarred up. Gross. (hydrocortisone cream and calamine lotion didn't help. Benadryl didn't help AND made me feel like I had general anesthesia for 24 hours). I finally was desperate enough to try to get help. 
  • Going to doctor's appointments. Regarding above scratching (Answer: "Its a mystery, isn't it?" $35 co-pay and 3 hour wait for that?), and other stuff.

  • Talking to the therapist. I went on Tuesday. It was....OK. I was nervous and unsure what to expect. She just had me talk. I realized that 100% of what I felt like talking about was related to G. She wants me to bring him in, but thinks we need one more individual session to get more into the specific issues we want to address. She basically asked open-ended questions and made supportive noises while I explained things. No suggestions or exercises or anything. Not sure if this is standard or just her style. We'll see how it goes. I'm going back Monday.
  • Dealing with the heartbreak of science. Like, when you do all your experiments exactly per protocol and nothing works and you want to cry. Or maybe its just because I'm so so tired.

Off to go try and prop my eyelids open during  faculty meeting. Wish me sleep tonight.


  1. Did your doc check your liver enzymes (being in hepatology, I have a one-track mind).

    1. She mentioned it (and I thought of it, too) but decided that since the itching was localized to my lower legs and arms (i.e. areas that are exposed when I'm outside) that it seems more allergic/contact than something systemic.

  2. Wow, good for you for going to the therapist! I need to do that, too (just wrote a post about it). I find that some of them are more into giving advice and others into just letting you talk. I hope this one turns out to be the right fit for you.

  3. Ugh, I hate the it's-a-mystery diagnosis. One of my kids had a completely inexplicable rash last week and that was the diagnosis, but at least it got cleared up soon. Wishing you much sleep this weekend!

  4. Good luck, Ana. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. My therapist was like that- she mostly asked questions and let me come to my own conclusions by talking, and then at the end she would sum things up for me and give me some things to think about. That worked for me, but if it doesn't for you, don't feel bad about trying someone else. It does seem a bit rushed to me to only have two sessions by yourself with her before bringing in your husband. Just for me, that wouldn't have been enough time to work out exactly what I thought my problems with the marriage were.

  5. That's her style. I think that's some version of talk therapy (I'm no expert though). Personally it drives me nuts (I don't actually need someone to help me introspect, many people do though), but I know people who find it very helpful. If it doesn't work out for you, try someone else, maybe with a different modality. Good luck!

    And definitely sleep is good. And during faculty meetings, so much the sweeter.

  6. I was going to suggest checking liver enzymes as well. I had cholestasis when I was pregnant- I have never experienced itching like that in my life!!!

    I'm so glad you went to the therapist. Sometimes just having someone to talk to helps, even if she doesn't solve anything.

    I'm tired, too... I'm past the 36 hour mark of being awake at this very moment. Ugh. Hang in there...

  7. okay, these liver nerds are clearly not in pediatrics. my first thought is of course gross day care originating creepie crawlies! scabies . . . always my biggest paranoia in residency! and they love extremities esp wrists and ankles. anything on either kid? i'm assuming not b/c that would have been too easy to figure out but just throwing it out there. and hoping it's NOT it!

    i'm so sorry about the sleep issues with L. i really hope it improves soon. i couldn't deal with that!!

  8. Hang in there! That itching sounds horrible (as horrible as L not sleeping, maybe even). I hope it goes away soon. Therapy sounds like it's going ok. Keep us posted on how session 2 goes. I do think couples therapy might help, but I am obviously biased.


  9. Drat, the itching sounds bad. I hope the mystery solves by its bloody self, as it came, and leaves you be. And wishing you loads upon loads upon LOADS od sleep. I have forgotten what it is like to actually sleep properly...

  10. Ugh, that itching sounds awful. Is there ANYTHING worse than itching? Probably itching that has no discernible cause.

    I'm so glad you made it to the therapists! I think her "just let you talk" strategy is VERY COMMON, especially for the first couple of sessions. Later she might suggest more strategies but at the beginning they just let you talk. I hope further sessions feel a bit more productive.