Thursday, July 21, 2016

Hanging in there

Won't bore you with more of the same...I'm expecting the side effects to continue for another week, so I won't talk about them again until they are gone.

I've been thinking a bit about what my goals are for treatment---what do I expect to happen, and what would I consider a success vs. a failure? Before I started the SSRI, I had anxiety and some depression, and while it was definitely affecting my quality of life, it wasn't debilitating. I had insomnia that was actually very well managed/cured. Now I have pretty debilitating anxiety, worse depression, physical symptoms, and awful insomnia...hopefully as short term side effects of the medication.

Obviously I want all the side effects to go away. But I also just want to feel better. Not "happy" necessarily, but more able to experience the full range of emotions. For a while I felt like my emotions ranged from dread to apathy, rarely crossing over into the positive side. I want more positive emotions. I also would love to feel more calm. More able to deal with the everyday stressors of my life without going into a sympathetic nervous system overdrive.

I don't know if this is achievable, or how long it will take. But I'm hanging in there.


  1. It may take a while to find the best drug. For me, taking that time was worth it: the first SSRI had side-effects that I found too debilitating (so I changed the treatment plan under the supervision of a psychiatrist after being on that drug for 4 weeks), another antidepressant helped with energy but did not do much for quality of life. the third has delivered: anxiety-levels are absolutely manageable, I enjoy all sorts of activities again. I feel "like myself" again. I no longer feel trapped and closed off. I am no longer trying to get through the days but have a much easier time putting things in perspective and keeping my real priorities in mind. I can concentrate much better and have an easier time to relax-my life feels full again in a good way. I no longer feel like I am spinning my wheels but that I have the ability to choose when and where I would like to invest my energy. I still feel tired when I have had a hard day at work and/or the kids have many demands-but it not longer eats away at me. I do what needs to be done to solve the immediate problem and then I can let things go, enjoy dinner, play with the kids, laugh with my husband and generally love my life again. Hope you feel better soon, I am rooting for you.

    1. do you mind sharing what drug you ended up on? I know its very individual but I'm just looking for options for when I talk to the psychiatrist later this week.

  2. Fluoxetine works best for me. However, I have also seen people do really well on escitalopram (typically among the first choices) and Zoloft (sertraline). Hope you find something that works for you!