Monday, January 28, 2013

Epic Mom Fail

Background: 3 months ago, I was smoking crack and trying to be efficient and scheduled both boys for back-to-back peds well-child visits at the worst possible time on the face of the earth 5pm.

3:30 PM: leave work, realizing that "leaving a bit early" actually meant an hour and a half to get across town, wrangle kids at daycare, and get them half-way across the city again to the pediatrician

4:00 PM: arrive at daycare. go to get B first downstairs. He is full-on in "I hate mommy" phase and refused to stop playing with the sand table to look at me, much less come with. Finally pull him away with the help of his teacher and he runs up the stairs yelling at me to not come with him, because "I want to go by myself!!!"

4:15 PM: get L from upstairs. Wrangle his whining, snot-covered, writhing body into his cold-weather gear only to find B missing. B has run into the baby room and will not come out. The DIRECTOR of the daycare (the one with all the comments about how I'm "never around" has to help me). My hands are full and I leave the diaper bag, we never need it on the way home.

4:30 PM: outside waiting for the bus. It is biting cold, 15 degrees, windy, and getting dark. B unzips his coat and pulls off his hat. I can't fix it because I've got L in the carrier and afore-mentioned hands being full. The director is walking out to leave for the day, and comes to us and puts his coat back on. I suck.

5:10 PM: finally make it. We are late. They have a very strict late policy and I am apologetic.

5:20 PM: get into room and they ask me to take of L's diaper to weigh him. Good god, he has an enormous stinky poop in there and guess what I don't have with me? Start rummaging around clinic because I feel at home in clinic rooms and nurse comes in "WHAT are you looking for?". She gets me wipes and a diaper.

5:30 PM: all weighed and measured and waiting for doctor. I attempt to take B for a pee, and he freaks. No, I only want to go with daddy, go away, no no no no no. Want to go home!!!

5:35 PM: B runs off behind the reception desk and refuses to come out. I count ONE TWO THREE and actually get to THREE so I have to bodily drag him back to the exam room. Meanwhile, L, clad in only a too-small diaper has gotten away. I find him pulling pages off the printer. No one is amused.

5:40 PM: B starts throwing his shoes in my general direction. I tell him to stop just as the doctor walks in. He then proceeds to throw shoes at my head, picks up heavy toys and throws them at L's head, hits me & L, and grabs the doctors computer. He is not listening to me or the doc and when I bodily force him to sit on the floor he says "I want to hit L. I want to hit him more". I text G for back-up. This goes on for 20 minutes as the doctor asks me detailed questions about B's behavior and I try but fail to convince him that really this is wayyy out of character.

6:00 PM: G walks in and is SHOCKED to hear the doctor recommend behavior therapy for B and to be asked how we discipline the kids and if we hit or otherwise physically hurt them. B sees G and does a 180. Angel.

6:15 PM: we finally get to L and I mention the hitting at daycare (dismissed as normal), and not having any words. Speech therapy is recommended and I refuse, saying "but I think he's on the verge...". I get the whole "There is no stigma...what can it hurt..." lecture and I realize my only hesitance was that it would take up a lot of time. I just didn't want the hassle and I truly think he's fine.

6:45 PM: we get home. L finds a sippy cup that's been sitting out all day. I absent-mindedly give it to him to drink.

7:00 PM: L throws up a ton of milk. clearly it was not cold enough to be left out for 10 hours and be drinkable.

8:00 PM: Wine.


  1. Did you cry? If not, you are a champion. I wanted to cry for you by the time I got to 6PM. Thank God G was able to come and provide backup (and prove you're not an abusive mother.... SHEESH!!). Maybe G can take L to speech therapy? I know there's nothing wrong with him, but just in case?

    1. I almost cried in the doctors office. Then I was just numb. Too absolutely depressed to even cry. I made it through the evening and just hoped for better the next day (and it was, thankfully!)

  2. just, WOW. echoing OMDG and saying i would have cried, too. i'm so sorry. i wish i had something constructive to offer, but given my complete lack of mothering experience of older kids -- i have nothing but just to say i really feel for you!

  3. Wow. That has got to be one of the worst experiences anyone has ever shared with me. I am so so sorry you went through that. If it makes you feel any better, I drove all the way to a museum yesterday before I realized Isa wasn't strapped into her car seat AT ALL. The straps where just loosely around her shoulders. It took me ten minutes to stop shaking once I realized what I had done and what would have happened if we had been in an accident. I have told no one until this moment. Absolutely my worst mom-fail EVER.

  4. You needed the wine WAY before 8pm.

    And that's not mom-fail, BTW. That's parenthood. You are a rock star.

  5. Oh, man. What a day! It sounds awful. I raise my own (invisible, because it's 10:30 a.m.) glass of wine to you for surviving it with a sense of humor and hope intact!

    Esperanza, I did the same thing once--got home after riding for 30 minutes in the car to see that I had forgotten to tighten E's car seat straps. I broke down in hysterical tears in my driveway thinking of how dangerous it was. I try to remind myself that I'm a human being and make mistakes when I have a mom fail, but I admit that even thinking about that car ride makes me want to sob at my desk right now.

  6. OH! MY! GOD! Yeah. This was in no way a fail, but pretty much the opposite, because you got through it. Because that was an epic child nightmare, and if any person were able to get through it without breaking into a sweat...well, I'd hate her or him.

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