Several times in recent months I've experienced that old middle school feeling of being "left out". And damn if it doesn't still sting.
I don't want to go into all the details of all the incidents, but basically I found out that friends, old and new, had done something big (a trip, a party) without me. I thought I'd be over it by this age, but it really hurt, and took me a long time to get over.
As I try to integrate myself better into the community---joining the PTA, going to neighborhood events, lingering at drop off to TALK to people...I realize that they are all already friends. They are hanging out with their families or at girl's nights, their kids have play dates and sleepovers, there is a whole social scene I had no idea existed. I had no idea we were so uniquely isolated. I feel my old social anxiety resurfacing---what do these women make of my sudden insertion into their clique? Do they talk about me after I walk away (and they continue talking and walking together).
Its been years since I felt like I was really "part of the group"...any group. It is a great warm feeling to know you will ALWAYS be invited, you won't be an afterthought, you have a go-to bunch of people with whom to celebrate & commiserate. I certainly have friends, here and there, scattered throughout the city and country...and I appreciate those relationships. I try to meet my now-defunct book club ladies every couple of months, I text & email far-flung friends. Its not the same though.
Since he was 2, I've been telling B these stories I made up, about 3 little goldfish, George, Charlie and Suzie, who go to school together and hang out together and get into absurd adventures and misfortunes. The other day I was telling him one in which the 3 were hanging out together on a holiday. He looked up at me and said "I wish I had friends like that, that I could see everyday, and do things with", and I said "I know buddy, it seems like it'd be really cool, huh".