Thanks for the kind comments and commiseration. I AM feeling a bit better. I upped the P$xil last week and also took some A&*ien to get a few really good nights of sleep. I've been journaling & meditating & exercising, I took some time to myself this weekend and read a light & fluffy book, and my MIL left. And the beginning of the week is always much better than the end for some reason these days. I'm not quite out of the hole, but its like I see some light somewhere...the hope.
This week is much lighter for me clinic-wise, but I have a LOT of writing to do. I am not sure where to find the focus and motivation to do this but I promised a draft to co-authors by Thursday so I better pull it out of somewhere. I am basically calling the last 6 weeks a wash in terms of getting ANYTHING done research-related, and trying to let go of the guilt. (My inner voice keeps whispering...lazy, lazy, worthless, fraud, even when I keep telling her to STFU).
Our department and divisional leadership is sending heavy hints about ramping up in-person visits soon. I would feel much better about this if I wasn't 100% sure it was driven by financial reasons rather than scientific evidence. And yes, that's basically the response the entire country is taking. Its like we've decided we are OK with a certain percentage of death as long as we can make our $$$. Oh god, I fear for our future.
Oh and the school is planning a major ramp up of online education beginning next week. Thankfully both kids' teachers stressed to us that they understand families have lots of stuff going on and not all kids are responding well to online learning so we can try to be flexible. But seriously, why do they have to have scheduled PE and Art and Music in the afternoons? That's when we try to take the kids to the park or on a post-lunch walk.
Anyways. Back to work.