Thursday, August 8, 2013

The more things change...

I was reading over my old posts this evening and was struck by how quickly things change and then change again, and sometimes even end up right back where they started.

Do you remember how upset I was about B's complete preference for Daddy (and rejection of Mommy) from about 2-3 years of age? Well the tables have turned. Now its Mommy-Mommy-Mommy go away Daddy, I don't want you. And you know what? This sucks, too! Not because I mind the attention (though sometimes the "attention" consists of him wanting to take his aggression out on ME, by hitting/yelling/tantrums), but that I feel bad for G. More so, because I know how much it hurts. He told me recently that he finally truly understands how I felt back then; at the time, he was overwhelmed and thinking I was the lucky one!

I know its innocent on his part; he feels a preference and expresses it, without regard for how the other is going to feel. He's not trying to make one of feel rejected, we are projecting that onto him. From my reading around the 'net last year, I also know its extremely common. I remember my sister being attached to my dad for a couple of years, but then many many years of both of us shunning dad to be with mom. What I think turned B around was simply my making a subtle but conscious effort to spend more time with him one on one. G started taking L for his bath, so B & I would hang out until it was his turn. Then I'd bathe him and do his stories more nights than not. I would take him to appointments. When L napped, G would go run errands, so B & I would hang out and read books, etc... Oh and also my stories. I tell him stories, tons of them, every day. He is obsessed with these stories I make up. That's a whole separate post!

Reading between the lines, I noticed my energy levels changing (for better or worse), B's "three-ness" and behavior, the state of my marriage, my attitude towards...everything. I noticed repeating patterns of ups and downs, elation & depression, always coming to rest in the happy, boring middle.

One thing that hasn't changed? L's sleep. Still crap. (and worse this week because he was sick and pitiful so we took appropriate pity and co-slept for a couple of days and NOW, he's copped on, and while he has fully recovered, we will likely never get a full nights sleep again ever ever EVER)


  1. Parent preference sucks. Yes, it's normal, yes it comes and goes, yes it SUCKS. So sorry for that.
    But crap sleep sucks even more. Everything is better when the children sleep. And eat. Both are important and can turn everything from great to abysmal and back.

  2. I know my turn will come, and I'm not looking forward to it, but I guess my approach should be to enjoy being the disliked parent for the time being. SORRY! Sounds exhausting.

    And someday, SOMEDAY, sleep will be part of your life again. I swear.