Recently I blogged about that dress that doesn't quite fit. In this post the "dress" was obviously a metaphor for "life", but in reality there really is such a dress in my closet.
So perfect in color and style, it even fits, yet in the 6 months I had owned that dress, I'd only worn it once. I'd tried it on many a morning, only to take it off before I headed downstairs, because something felt wrong. I tried the belt, the cardigan, tights, boots, flats, heels...it just didn't feel comfortable to me and looked strange in the mirror. Until this week, when I wore it over my new shaping shorts (i.e. a much less constricting, much cheaper version of spanx). The dress finally felt, and looked, the way I imagined it in my mind's eye. And despite the tighter undergarments, it was extremely comfortable to wear on a muggy and chaotic day from dawn to dusk.
All the dress needed was a little support.
And here's where I turn the analogy around and acknowledge that support is exactly what's been missing from my life recently, and what I think I need in order for things to feel comfortable.
I've written before about the lack of community in our daily lives, and about my desire for closer friendships. Its a feeling that comes and goes---and times of stress are when I feel the lack the most. This is clearly one of those times, where I need someone other than G that I can confide in---for comfort, suggestions, or simple solidarity. Someone who is outside enough to give a fresh perspective, but knows me well enough not to dole out assvice.
I don't have anyone like that in my life right now, and I'm not sure how to make it happen. I used to have extremely close girlfriends, but have lost touch with most, due to the immense distances (geographic or lifestyle) between us. G & I have some couple friends we get together with, but that's not really the venue to discuss such personal topics as marriage counseling, in-law relationships, or body issues. I have colleagues I can vent to about work, but...same. My sister and I text frequently about kid stuff, but I consider some topics taboo with family. And the few friends I've managed to make all seem to be in very very different life situations right now (one newly engaged, one married 25 years with older kids)...they are sympathetic, but don't get it, because they are not currently living it.
This may be one of the main reasons I blog...you guys...you get it. But you don't (as far as I know!) live down the street, so I can't have you over for a nice glass of wine and a chat.
Unsurprisingly, I've read other bloggers that mention this same problem. Its hard to make friends when you're older, and throw in the time and energy constraints of working & parenting, and its easy to want to avoid the whole thing. I have to remind myself that this is important to my mental health and I need to do something about it (but what! seriously, suggestions welcome!). Because everything fits better with a little support.